- A young Kenyan woman recently talked about how she feels exhausted and torn because keeping up adult friendships has become expensive
- She disclosed that, in addition to being emotionally present, she is frequently expected to make a financial contribution at her friends' milestones
- She described how the demands of friendship, which she had previously thought to be based on shared experiences and emotional support, have evolved into monetary commitments
"Creating, keeping, and maintaining adult friendships actually requires financial effort, especially if those friends are not from your childhood. I heard it's nowadays called investing in your social capital. You realise you have to show up to people not only physically or emotionally, but also with finances. Their kids' birthdays, their parents' retirements, just random hanging out, their weddings, funerals, etc., it's quite unfortunate though that life has put us in a position where financial support is the best way you can offer value in a friendship."
Dr. Esther Wambui is a counselling psychologist with over a decade of experience in family dynamics and interpersonal communication. She specialises in mental health and the psychology of social interactions.
Her circumstances are similar to those of many young adults discovering that friendships in their twenties and thirties frequently entail unstated financial obligations. Money has become a crucial component of how people are regarded in social circles, whether it is through donations to baby showers, emergency fund-raising, or even helping out at informal get-togethers.
Speaking exclusively to D'moneyTalk.co.ke, Dr. Esther Wambui, a counselling psychologist, provided insight into this expanding conundrum. She clarified that while maintaining adult friendships can be expensive, the emotional value of companionship should always take precedence over the financial aspect.
"Adult friendships require effort, and money has become a big part of that effort in today's society. How much you contribute financially during significant life events is how people gauge your loyalty. Although this makes sense, it also severely strains those who might not yet be financially secure. True connections are based on trust, concern, and understanding; friendships shouldn't be based on financial gain," Dr. Wambui told D'moneyTalk.co.ke.
Instead of suffering in silence, she encouraged young people to acknowledge their boundaries and have honest conversations with their friends.
"It's okay to say no. Since you are unable to provide financial support, true friends will not cut you off. Honesty is the most important factor. Giving more than you can afford will make you resent your friendships and jeopardize your own emotional and financial security. You need to strike a balance between safeguarding your wellbeing and making investments in your social capitalo," Dr. Wambui emphasised.
Striking equilibrium
She further stressed that communication is essential as more young Kenyans negotiate this implicit demand of "financial loyalty" in friendships. Instead of financial strain or unspoken animosity, friendships should continue to be places of safety and support. Developing social capital is vital, but it should never come at the price of one's financial stability or mental well-being.
Disclaimer: Advice given in this article is general and shouldn't be used to sway readers' individual choices. Before making important decisions regarding friendships or money, they should always get expert advice that takes into account their unique situation.
Got a personal story or seeking expert guidance? Write to us at askanexpert@D'moneyTalk.co.ke and include Ask The Expert as your subject line.
Financial boundaries in family relationships
In another article, family coach Victor Salamba gave tips on how families can set financial limits.
Speaking exclusively to D'moneyTalk.co.ke he said it was important to help family members, but you should never put your own financial stability at risk.
He said it was perfectly fine to say no to requests that go beyond your means, and stressed that taking care of your own health should always come first.
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